bubbalicious: the place for young parents

I am a smoker and would never have the baby in bed with me. But sometimes I would wake up and his dad had got up and got him and put him in our bed because in the night its where he would feed the baby. Babys dad was too lazy to walk roughly ten steps to the cot.

i often put my son into bed with me, as soon as he drops off to sleep i put him in his basket, or my mum comes up to check on us & puts him in his basket for me!x

I share sometimes with my baby. i always wake up where i fell asleep, and if she goes in her cot at the moment she screams the night thru, its best for both me her. I know the risks but theres risks with her in a cot/moses basket/crib. I suppose its everyones own opinions that matter at the end of the day this is whats easiest for me and tegan, x

:( aw If i slept with a baby id be terrified that id roll over and squish it or something!! When I sleep with my boyfriend, he says i sometimes slap him in my sleep! I couldnt risk it.

when do they start sleeping thru the night?

i completely agree with this article i will admitt i dont understand what drives people to thinking that sleeping with the baby in the same bed as them is ok the risks are very high and surely if they loved their baby they would not put them in harms way on purpose

alway in her cot! i am so scred i would do anything to her and i am a very restless sleeper!

My daughter sleeps in her cot most nights but she has habit of waking up about 11.30 some nights so I try settle her again and if it doesn't work she sleeps with me and my boyfriend, I love waking up to her smiling at me! I wouldn't sleep in bed with her if I'd had a drink ect. I don't like to as much now as she pulls my hair to make me up which isn't so nice lol xx

Mia stays in her bed till her feed and then we wuld all go back to bed for a little while 2gether and she seems fine xx

@lillys_mummy I sleep with my daughter occasionally now used to be quite a bit. Co-sleeping has been around for years, i know a LOT of people that do it and a lot of people dont admitt to it. I never used to. Its so naturally to have your baby close to you. Im a single mum so its so tiring and the only way she'd settle is to be near me. I think co-sleeping has made our bond greater. I love waking up next to her in the morning and her smiling at me (I dont like her kicking me in the face however! LOL) I think it depends on the sitation of course. Id i was a smoker i wouldnt do it, or a drinker. And it depends on peoples views.

i fell asleep once when he was in bedwith me in the middle of feeding him i felt soo quilty when i woke up i though i hurrt him buh he was realli quiet buh it is a risk i wudnt do it again but it can happen accidenily

i used to breastfeed my daughter every 2hrs when she was newborn and during the night feeds i was lay in bed, attach her to me and go too sleep cos i was sooo tired!

well my bby will sleep in its moses basket in my room x

My Son Has Never Slept In The Same Bed As Me As i Know It Could Harm Him, Due to The Dangers Of Me Accidently Doing Something WHile i Was asleep

@laurenella sorry***

@lauranella that depends on how long you will live with your mum :) Babies usually grow out of moses baskets by 3-6 months. I had both of my girls in my room until they were 1 but plenty of people keep their kids in their room longer. I wouldn't worry about getting your LO into their own room until the time comes....xxxxx

my little girl in her moses basket in my room and will be staying in there until we eventually move out of my mums:/ do you think this will make her mard and refuse to leave when i eventually try to move out and put her in her own room? xxx

I've seen in the mothercare catalogue a barrier thingy that you put premature/small babies in so they can safely sleep in with you. The flat we lived in when my son was born was very cold (draughty windows,broken boiler, no insulation) so he slept in with us a lot. I loved sleeping next to him. He occasionally sleeps in with us now (hes 1 now) when hes having trouble sleeping. Though now I don't love it so much as hes a kicker! He's always been okay.

my son is 4 months old and nearly outgrown his moses basket, his cot dosnt fit in my bedroom but his bedroom is literally next door so i think he wil be fine in his own bedroom he sleeps through the night and has done for sometime now and i dont use blankets i use a growbag sleeping bag so its all pretty safe i am still a little worried thou because he wont be near me :( x

My son is 9 moths old and in his own cot but still sleeps in my bedroom. i am wanting to put him into his own room but am not sure if hes ready??

i would never let my baby sleep in my bed becasue off all the risks and i dont trust cots either till the baby is abit older than newborn my baby stays in a moses basket in my room and i feel safe him being in their and that works for me x

With all the risks I wouldnt ever sleep with my boy, and the fact that I know I wouldnt be able to get to sleep, as I'd just be thinking about him, and the dangers and keeping him safe. His moses basket is what I plan to use in the beginning, then I'll put him in his cot :)

A few times, in the dead of night whilst breastfeeding, we would often fall asleep together on the bed. The room was always snuggly warm so I didn't have a big duvet on the bed and I always put my newborns to bed in a gro-bag, so no risk of suffocating under blankets etc. It happens occasionally - as long as you take the right precautions and aren't smoking at the time or drinking alcohol (and not TOTALLY exhausted), there really isn't any harm in it occasionally. In my opinion it helps with bonding that little bit more.

i know someone who sleeps with their baby every night and the baby is now 1 and they have done ever since they were born and she has done with her other children. i could never do that, i would be so scared of something hapening and if something did i could never forgive my self for it i wouldnt know what to do.

i agree with this article completely i would never let my baby sleep in the same bed as me or anyone else as it poses too many risks.

My Daughter Sleeps With Me But I Think Im Going To Try And Get Her Back In Her Moses Basket!

i know someone who auffocated her own baby by rolling on to her in the night,

we used to sleep with our baby, as we didnt think any harm would come to him, we stopped that around 8 months, and got him into a routine. If he is having a bad night or wakes around 5ish, he comes in with us, takes up all the room!!!x

@amandabirket I'm so sorry for your loss and hope in time things will get easier for you, I know you will never heal and guilt will always be with you even though you know it wasn't your fault, plenty of people fall asleep with their babies and it's unfair that they take advantage when things like this happen and i too find it selfish. I used to co-sleep with my first child until one day i woke up and had rolled over slightly and was so lucky my partner saw and shouted at me straight away. Since then I've had another child and if I'm even the slightest bit tired make sure I turn on the lights, or anything to keep me awake. I would rather never sleep in my life than go through the pain you have been through and don't be sorry for ranting, keep doing it! People think it wont hppen just because they know someone it hasn't happened to?! Why would you take the risk. My love is with you x

There are now attachments you can get to put onto the side of you bed, so that they're attached to your bed and very close to you, BUT they also have their own space therefore eliminating risk of you rolling over onto your baby etc. It's a good option if you want the baby closer to you than a cot, but nervous of the risks of co-sleeping xxx

My midwife told me it would be ok but i don't want to take the risk.

you should not let your baby sleep in the bed with you

i would be so scared now of having the baby with me i dont even think i could sleep :O

Children 'should sleep with parents until they're five' http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article1083020.ece Sunderland argues that putting children to sleep alone is a peculiarly western phenomenon that may increase the chance of cot death, also known as sudden infant death syndrome (Sids). This may be because the child misses the calming effect on breathing and heart function of lying next to its mother. “In the UK, 500 children a year die of Sids,” Sunderland writes. “In China, where it [co-sleeping] is taken for granted, Sids is so rare it does not have a name.” From The Sunday Times May 14, 2006 http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article1083020.ece

Amanda, what happened to you is terrible, It shows that we must look at the evidence to see what is dangerous and what is not. The evidence says that sleeping in a bed with your baby is not dangerous. sleeping on a sofa is however recognised as very dangerous. Just as there are ways of making cot sleeping safe, there are ways of making co-sleeping safe.

Babies are much safer in cribs

There maybe research stating the benefits of co-sharing but are you really going to put your baby at risk. if so sorry but i think its selfish just to make it easier for you. You dont know if your going to fall into a deep sleep or not, its not all about smoking getting drunk or taking drugs, i did neither but it still happened to me. read my profile it happens.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE NEVER co-sleep with your baby, i have had the sadness and guilt of losing my baby through falling asleep. Although i never did this i unfortunately fell asleep one night whilst breastfeeding and my son died. Although its not the only cause of cot death its a big factor in most deaths. It really gets my blood boiling when i hear people saying i do it and its fine. Its not ok just because it hasnt happended to you or as yet not happened do you really want to risk that. I know im ranting but im not sorry for that its something people need to stop thinkin its not goin to happen to me it happens. Its something i will never forgive myself for even though i know its not my fault i cant help blaming myself

when i had my first baby i didnt was to co-sleep because of the risks, but my little girl wouldnt sleep at all and i didnt seem to get any sleep, so i tried breast feeding her in the bed with me and she fell asleep, i decided to let her sleep there for the nioght, and i never looked back, we both where happier and i was able to concentrate on looking after herwithout feeling tired all the time! i aslso co-slept with my second and found it so much easier! people have had children in there bed for years, and cot death can happen to any child regardless of there sleeping arrangements!

Hi Heva1990 -- congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope you're enjoying it! Where to put your baby is definitely a bit confusing. The scientists who did the research have been doing a lot of interviews explaining what it means. They said that you can keep your baby safe whether it's in a cot or in a bed, by following a few simple rules: 1, put it on its back to sleep, not its tummy. 2, don't let it get too hot. 3, don't smoke in the same room (and try not to smoke at all). 4, make sure any covers can't get over its face (a baby sleeping bag is great if you can get one). 5, keep the baby in your room for the first six months. 6, try to breastfeed. Also, if you have the baby in a cot, be REALLY careful not to fall asleep with the baby on a chair or the sofa if you get up in the night with it -- that is REALLY risky. And if you have the baby in bed with you, don't drink, use blankets not a duvet, don't smoke, and don't use any drugs that could make you sleepy (no sleeping pills, no weed etc!). The nicest and safest way to sleep next to your baby is for you to be on one side with your arm curled around them -- that way they can roll on and roll off you for a feed and you might not even wake up while they do it! Whatever you do, enjoy it...

I have looked at the BMJ article, it says: Conclusions Many of the SIDS infants had coslept in a hazardous environment. The major influences on risk, regardless of markers for socioeconomic deprivation, are amenable to change and specific advice needs to be given, particularly on use of alcohol or drugs before cosleeping and cosleeping on a sofa. It just does not say that sleeping with your baby is more dangerous. I sleep with my baby and will continue to. I cannot see why you are saying I am risking my baby's life?

this is something that worries me as you dont realy know what to think. Many babys have passed away because of cot death even though their parents have conmpletely followed what they were told to do. yet other babys are perfectly fine and have followed none of the rules. I think i will keep them in their own cot, just to be on the safe side. Couldnt forgive myself if anything happened

I have mixed views with this. I understand how easily is it to roll over and smother a baby , shouldn't do it when smoking drinking etc and the best place for them is in the cot but you can cosleep safely as well. My little girl shared a bed with me until she was 1, mainly due to her room being mouldy and me trying everything to sort it with little help from the council. I made sure she has no pillows near her or duvet, used light blankets around her or a sleeping bag and I always woke up in the same position that i had gone to sleep in. You can buy a special bumper type thing (cant remember the name of it) that you put into the bed with you and put baby to sleep in so that you dont roll over onto them etc.

I'm really quite disturbed by bubbalicious's suggestion to look at the bbc's report. This new research confirms that bedsharing is dangerous if you or your partner have had alcohol or drugs, if the baby is on their tummy, if the baby is near a pillow, or if you or your partner are a smoker. However, the new research also found that IF you don't do any of these things -- and that's a really big and important IF -- it is not more dangerous to share a bed than have the baby in a cot. I know this is complicated, but it's important to tell the whole truth: you can sleep safely with your baby in your bed IF you keep to a few simple rules: no alcohol, no drugs, no smoking, no pillows, baby on their back, blankets not duvets. You have to be honest with yourself about the rules, and I would always have a cot as a backup (and use it when you're knackered as well). But you do NOT need to give yourself a hard time if you have the baby in the bed and you follow the rules. And if it helps you continue to breastfeed, you can be all the more proud for giving your baby a fabulous start in life. Look, it's easier to be safe with the baby in the cot -- there are still simple rules to follow, but there are fewer of them. But there are still some important risks that depend on your self-discipline to control -- whatever you do, DON'T take the baby out of the cot to feed them and then have a cuddle and a snooze in a chair / on the sofa. If you fall asleep with them on the sofa or a chair, that is MUCH riskier than having them in your bed or in a cot. @Bubbalicious -- please read Prof Fleming's multlple public comments on the implications of the new research he led.

i always put both of mine in their cots, but since my youngest has turned one, she prefeers to sleep beside me

i always put charlie in hes cot on a night and wen i get up 2 feed him i try and wake myself up properly before sitting down to feed him x

@bubbalicious There is plenty of evidence to show how to cosleep safely. Unicef has a leaflet for a start

I have to say I co slept with my daughter until she was 6 weeks old as I was just so exausted, she was feeding every half hour for an hour and I couldn't stay awake any more so i slept on my side with her feeding. It was the only way for me to cope. But then my friends baby died of cot death and it shocked me into doing things properly. My friends baby had always slept in a cot and they did everything by the book, yet their baby died and I was doing everything 'wrong' and my baby was fine... Made me re think my parenting alot!

this is a had subject i mean i was breast feedin and i have to say i did fall asleep with my little one afue time. i think if its for and hour or so then its fine but i always try to put him in his cot.. and what makes it harder is that he is such a cuddley baby he dnt sleep unless he feels some one is close!

i have mixed feelings about this. my daughter slept with me from birth until she was 3 and i ALWAYS found id wake up in the same position as i fell asleep in and never ever rolled over or moved. but my son slept in his own cot from birth and is now 13 months old. but he stays in a seperate room as i find he sleeps better in his own space. i had alarms on my son, im not sure what they were called but i clipped it to his nappy and if he ever stopped breathing an alarm would go off for me to hear and the alarm would vibrate to try and get him to start breathing again. it was very useful and i thought it was brilliant. but i do realise not everyone will agree with sleeping with their babies or sleeping in different rooms. but we all have our own opinions and im sure we all do what WE think is best for our children x

We have enough room for a cot in our bedroom, and we have even been able to seperate the areas with screen thingys so the baby's area is decorated just like the nursery would have been

Hi everyone - lots of comments here. I agree that it is confusing when you see advice change like the advice on weaning and so on. The research showing that bedsharing is dangerous if parents are smokers (even if they don't smoke in the bedroom), take drugs or have had a drink of wine or beer was published in 2000 and the government's advice ever since has been to put babies in a cot as this is proven to be the safest place. It would be lovely to be able to say how to make bedsharing safer but the problem is that there is no research or evidence to say what this advice might be. There's a lot in the news today about bedsharing. Have a look at http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8303248.stm If you have more questions about this then post them in the Q&A section on this site and I'll try to give you the facts you need.

i so agree with this!! i dont understand why a parent would put there child at risk by sleeping with them

children should sleep in there own cot or bed my child has never slept in bed with me and hes two now, he wants his own bed

my children both slept in their cots and in their own beds until recently little monkeys end up in my bed when i go to go to bed! bless them. But i totally think babies should sleep in their own cot!

I always put ayla in her cot in my room

i was so set againts having my baby in my room, i wanted her to be in her cot in her own room that is all beautifully decorated in winnie the pooh. after recent news articles i will be putting her in a moses basket next 2 my bed

sometimes I put him in my bed first thing in the morning, when he first wakes, sometimes he dozes there....but it's not when i'm sleeping, just if i'm finding it hard to wake properly! guess it's each to their own, and the research/guidelines do seem to change all the time! Suppose all you can do is stick to curent advice, or what feels right for you.

My son has slept in my bed every night since he was 4months old, and most nights before then. Of course there are risks to cosleeping, but there are also risks to putting baby in a cot. NOTHING in life is 100% safe, you just have to weigh up the pros and cons about what is safest for YOUR baby. I dont drink, I dont smoke, I dont even take painkillers. I breastfeed, which increases your awareness of your baby's presence . I have bedguards to stop him rolling out, he slept on top of the quilt so he wouldnt wriggle under, he was lightly dressed so he wouldnt over heat etc etc. I think the question shouldnt be 'is it safe to cosleep?' but 'if you CHOOSE to bring your baby in to bed, how do you keep them safe?'. Just as there are guidelines to putting baby to sleep in a cot (feet to foot, no duvets, cot bumpers etc) there are guidelines to putting them to sleep in an adult bed. Cosleeping is safe if done properly, its when you cut corners that it becomes dangerous, but it is easier to put a blanket ban on it, then to try to explain the intricacies of how to do it safely. You also have to think about the accuracy of the information; who funded the study? What are the actual results? You can make statistics say anything- it's the actual figures that are important. Most cosleeping studies lump in ANY adult and baby sleeping together. Now, sleeping with baby on a sofa is INCREDIBLY dangerous, and should NOT be done. so if they lump together cosleeping in a proper bed with all the right precautions taken, and falling asleep with baby on the sofa while feeding, how do you know how many actually died during ''proper' cosleeping?? They say 50% of SIDS cases last year occured while cosleeping. so where were the other 50% found? in cots. So at the very least it's 50/50...

I would never put connor in bed to sleep with me as i know i move about to much and it wouldnt be safe but when we wake up in a morning we always give him a cuddle in bed but were wide awake then

Research shows that babies are safest in a cot in your room for the first six months. This really reduces the risk of cot death. After this it's particularly dangerous if you or your fella are smokers - and that means even if you never smoke in the bedroom. Just felt that this was worth highlighting again!

Oops I clicked report on one of these posts by accident.. sorry!! I agree totally with what mommyof2 said. Sure there are obvious risks to it but there are benefits of it also. And I think it's easy to say you don't understand why parents would bring their baby into their bed when they know the risks when you do not yet have a baby who's teething and having a bad night and needs you.

I agree with this too it is so easy to make a simple mistake that could be life changing in the matter of seconds all because ur in a deep sleep. i say no to bed sharing! i think it is lovely in mornings to put the baby in bed with you and your partner but not to sleep just to share that time! xx

i agree with proud_mummy too - i find its the best way to settle Josh, and hes never if there for long - i know the risks but i believe i would almost sense if something wasnt right, everytime he moves when hes in bed with mee i wake up, and after hes had a little time with mee he'll be fine in his cot - also i think its really goood for bonding, but i dont do it all the time either, i think its getting a balance, but if you abosoluty shattered like most mummys :), it crnt be helped sometimes - but thats just my opinion xx

I can understand the risks of sleeping with your baby, however, there is research showing that co-sleeping is beneficial also. I suppose it comes down to what works for you the best, just like every other aspect of parenting. You have to weigh the pros/cons of your individual situation. Like proud_mummy has said, just because it's the newest and most current research doesn't mean its always right.

I know one minute it was to sleep them on the front, then it was dont sleep them on their front and to take them in to bed with you and now its neither and to put them on their backs. Id always follow the recent advice though, i think putting babies to sleep on their backs makes most sense :) xx

Lillys_Mummy, I knew the risks of having a baby in your bed but I did it with both my two boys throughout their first years. I was breastfeeding and they would often fall asleep on the breast and wake up if you moved them by a millimetre. I did attempt to get them in their cot on several occasions but there was no way in hell they would fall asleep. Eventually between 1 & 2 years they realised I would come back for them and so even though even at ages 1 & 3 they still kick off at bed time, they do sleep in their own beds. Obviously if anything ever happened to them, I would NEVER have forgiven myself but at the same time, as they have been OK, I think it saved me from further insanity. I think it would have done more harm to them if I had had no sleep, which is not an exaggeration of what I would have ended up with, than to let them sleep with me. I always made sure they couldn't fall out or down the side, and we never used a duvet on the bed if they were in it. I have to be honest, the only thing it negatively effected was our sex life!! But on a serious note, I would always suggest you follow the recommendations given my health authorities. Having said that - they are changing so much, how do you know the "current" advice is the "right" advice?

My mum used to take me into her bed with her from the day I was born, but that was what they suggested back then to help prevent cot deaths. Times are always changing.

i totally agree with this, i dont know why parents would put their babies in bed with them to sleep when they know the risks that could happen.