bubbalicious: the place for young parents

its hard when your their mummy but sometimes it a few minutes to see if they can settle wont hurt xx

i tried it as my little one wudnt sleep, i made sure she was fed, changed and in no pain (teethin, wind ect) she only winges and is asleep within 5 mins but if her winging turns into crying then i pick her up and sing to her, works every time and shes sleeping better and is much clamer x

There are different extremes of crying. I have left my 4 to cry if they should be asleep or if the are having a tantrum. But when it gets to sobbing or hysterics then yes it is dangerous and you have to do something.

i got told to leave my baby crying but after she had been feed and changed and been cuddles and its done her no harm and dont leave her for ages tho xx

Isn't there an age where you can leave a baby to cry, like the age when a baby learns to cry for attention. I wouldn't say leave a baby to cry, I think if a baby cries after they have been changed and fed then they should be given a cuddle to settle them down, then put them back down so they know they are not ignored, but I think leaving a baby to cry proper loud is cruel.

The article actually says leaving a frustrated baby to cry is harmful ... there is a real difference between a fussy cry which some babies do for attention and a frustrated and generally upset cry. In my opinion a baby whose fussing is fine to be left as long as your definitely sure they're completely safe and not at risk from anything, otherwise...go ahead and calm an upset and frustrated baby down. Maybe this blog should be more clear in what its actually about.

I've been told that once they get abit older to ignore the night crys as it teaches them they can't always get their own way and to give them more independence x

i'm always being told by people to leave my son to cry, but i can't physically do it. he gets himself worked up and it just breaks my heart. it doesnt make my life more difficult in my opinion so why should i leave him so upset?

I agree with most mum and mums to be letting your baby cry for a little bit doesnt cause them any harm as long as you dont leave them for so long that there very destressed, some babies cry just so that they can be constantly held but they have to learn that this cannot be the case all the time.:)

i would feel bad leavin my baby to cry but i know sometime you just have to for a little because she will just expect it alll time.

thers times when u have to let the baby/ child cry otherwise they will allways get there way.. as long as you know they are safe, fed, watered, changed etc, there shouldnt be any reason not to leave them for 5 minutes and then if they dont settle go back soothe them then walk away again..my baby cried non stop for 3 months- 9 in the morning until 12 at night on and off all day long.. i tried everything to soothe her and i even took her to the doctors who couldnt do anything people thought i had post natal depression or was an unfit mother because she cried a lot and i was even acussed of harming her and this is something i will never get over because its so heartbreaking because i wouldnt ever dream of it...but now she is a happy baby i know when i can leave her which is ussually at bedtime to go to sleep and she normally does after 5 minutes but will ussually cry for that short period of time!

I think leaving a baby to cry when all its needs have been sorted if just fine, a baby needs to learn to self -sooth aslong as it is not cold/hungry/dirty and safe there is nothing wrong with it.

I really don't understand how there can be "controlled crying" - surely you are not in control otherwise baby wouldn't be crying. I think it is wrong and have no idea how people do it

i totally agree.

I don't leave my child to cry because it makes me feel really guilty but now he is older he sometimes does it just to get attention or to get round me but I know when he's doing this so I ignore him but thats the only time xxxxxxxxxx

ya i agree wiv you LittleMumma. i do the contolled crying but never leave it for more den 4 mins. i dont think it is rite to leave a child cry. xxxxs

I totaly agree with the not leaving them to cry yes at times when you need the loo or a shower you kinda have too but I recently read the sears attachment parenting book, funny thing is I been taking care of kids that way for years. I love wearing kids in a sling and co sleeping works a treat to get them settled especialy with my pals baby a few months ago then could move from the bed where the cot was attached and he was out for the count. I'm glad there are medical reserchers supporting people who are instinct led care givers. Don't get me wrong I don't mind 10 mins of controlled crying when they get fussy before sleep, but only after about 6 months. It can be heart braking to watch them cry especialy if it's trapped wind but all we can do is comfort them. This is also why breast feeding is good as you don't have to heat a bottle or make it up out with a boob and baby is happy :). Slinging your baby rocks I love having newborns cuddled into my chest and dosing off, I like a mobile auntie for some friends.

When my baby crys i feel really guilty x

i never leave her to cry because i always feel guilty and end up thinking that she will remember me leaving her to cry && resent me for it:/ i no that wont happen but still:/ my mum says to leave her for a few minutes and that crying is the only exercise she gets but feel really bad! xx

I cant leave my daughter to cry coz i end up feeling guilty <3

i dnt leave my bby to cry i hate it my mom tells me to leave his lungs brethe i get upset when i leave him coz it fels like i done summin wrong

@ryansmummyuk .. Your so true in your words with what you just wrote! I don't think I could agree more, some parents have children that all they do is cry so imagine how frustrated they must get! I'm so lucky to have a daughter that hardly ever cries!! Its great. xx

I'm a big believer in each-to-their own, but i do believe that being left to cry causes physical and emotional harm to young children, as well as possible attachment issues. Not saying that every child who isnt picked up immediately is going to end up broken, and I think it definately has to be at the mother's discretion. Personally, I make it my aim never to walk away from my child when he is crying. There have been times when I have; when I'm emotionally overwhelmed myself and know I need a couple of minutes to calm down, when I desperately needed to pee and couldnt put him down without him screaming his head off, and now that he's older-when he melts down sometimes he asks to be left alone and I try to respect that. I don't leave him to cry at bedtime because I want him to have positive sleep associations and to know that sleep is a nice, safe state to be in. But then because he sleeps in my bed, him going to sleep quickly, or alone, or sleeping through the night has never been that important.

@LittleMumma, I so know what you mean, I hate leaving my daughter to cry! The only time I ever really leave her to cry is when I put her into bed, she usually falls asleep on me in the living room having her last bottle so as I carry her to her cot most nights by the time I get to her cot she wakes up, so I just put her in her cot and usually cries for about 10 minutes and doses back off to sleep. I can't leave her any longer than that I can't bare it. xx

I'm totally with @LittleMumma - I do use controlled crying occasionally, and I believe sometimes it is neccesary to establish routine etc, but I could never ignore a crying child. Even when I left my son to cry as a baby (controlled crying) I would have to do something like wash a dish to stop me walking straight back it. On the other hand though, I dont believe it harms them, and when push comes to shove if a distressed mother has to allow her child to cry for 5 mins while she calms down, rather than her losing her temper and throwing the child against a wall, so be it! xxx

@LittleMumma, I so know what you mean, I hate leaving my daughter to cry! The only time I ever really leave her to cry is when I put her into bed, she usually falls asleep on me in the living room having her last bottle so as I carry her to her cot most nights by the time I get to her cot she wakes up, so I just put her in her cot and usually cries for about 10 minutes and doses back off to sleep. I can't leave her any longer than that I can't bare it. xx

I never let my children cry really. For one i hate seeing them with tears and being sad, i mean who enjoys that feeling?! But also i cannot stand the sound of it lmao! But i do agree leaving a child to cry could be damaging but i also believe there are times when if nothing else works you have to leave them for a minute before trying to calm them down again. For instance contolled crying when going to bed is ok but i never leave it more than 2-3 minutes before going back in to settle them down! xx