My babys father has bin with his gf about 4months now. My baby is just over 3months old. I dont know his gf atall, so i dont have a clue what she would be like towards my daughter. He's now txting me asking when she can start to be involved. I still love him, so i never really thought about her, i always thought that when he saw me with his baby hed want me back. But obv not. Its killing me, the thought of the new gf,the boy i love and our child. But i dont think il ever be ready to say that he can take her out with his gf... please tell me what u think i should do
(5)
I think its always gonna be hard as you still love him, so theres gonna be heavy emotions in the mix. I personally think 4months isnt that long tbh, - my opinion: (he's still probably bonding with your daughter, let alone his partner too).. But then I also think every situation is different and when it comes down to it, really and truly its up to you and you should do what you feel best. If things are serious between them, then maybe you could meet her, and get a feel for her and then make your decision after.
I Think This Is Entirely Upto You.... Me Personally Not A Chance... not Yet!! You dont know what she is like , id say No and wait till i think till they have been together for quite a while, She Could End up being the nicest girl in the world then fair enough .. but 4 months isnt long at all, Not Only Do You Not Know Anything About Her But C'mon He doesnt really either. they are in the 'honeymoon' Period and anything can happen.. Go With your Instincts. x
my ex has gone behind my back on several occasions and introduced my daughter to aprox 4 different girls, my daughter has only just turned 7!! She was really confused when this person was in her life for a month or two and then she never heard about her again and suddenly he had a new girlfriend. He has been with his current girlfriend for about 2 years now and she has met Millie a few times but I have never met the women so I don't really want her around my daughter especially after my daughter has told me a few things!!! Like earthmummy said it is your ex's contact not hers so it is completely upto you about when they meet each other. I personally dont think 4 months is long enough to know if they are serious or not. Its your daughter that will get confused in the long run!
@myas_mumma... When me and my sons dad first split up I wouldnt let him introduce Ryan to his first girlfriend, she was a psycho who couldnt look after her own kid. After that though, I said I had to meet them first. I think he saw 2 of his dads girlfriends, but probably only once so he wouldnt remember them. Both sat in the car biting their nails and completely ignoring me and I was really not impressed! So when he met the girl he is with now I asked again to meet her. He said no, but she drove him up to pick Ryan up and she decided to come in. She said to me later that she wanted me to know I could trust her, and I really respect her for that! It must have been really scary, meeting ur new boyfriends ex, and mother of his child, for the first time. However, now we get on really well, her and her family dote on Ryan, Ryan adores her and I think he's lucky to have 2 sets of families who love him so much (my other halfs family treat Ryan like their own too). They've been together 18 months now.
I would say you have to always be careful not to let your feelings for him get in the way of your daughters relationship with him. If you dont want her involved then thats fine, they've hardly been together long enough to qualify as a serious relationship. I agree with @EarthMummy - say 6 months, then meet her. If she wont meet you then no. If she does, and she seems ok, then allow it and keep an eye on it. Sometimes, like in my case, it does work really well. BUt at the end of the day your her mum, you know her best, just do the best you can xxxx
How long has he been with her??
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This is a tough one. As hard as it is, I think you need to try and separate your feelings for your ex from your feelings about access.
In my opinion, 4 months isn't very long for them to have been together; you can't tell if he is serious about her or if he's going to be dragging a string of girls in and out of her life. Is he going to want to introduce every girlfriend he ends up with after 4months? Because that's not on.
Also, I wouldn't let my 2yo go out with someone I didn't know very well, never mind at 3months. If you have no idea what she is like, you have no idea how she would treat your daughter, or how she would encourage your ex to treat your daughter. Not being funny, but my Dad's new girlfriend used to influence the way he would treat us; letting us eat food we were allergic too, leaving my little brother at the bottom of an escalator because he was too scared to get on by himself etc.
I would lay some reasonable boundaries, and then stick to them , no matter how hard it is for you emotionally. For example, maybe when they've been together 6months, and you've met this girl and decided if she is the kind of influence you want on your daughter, then she can meet your LO for a short time. Taking it slowly makes it easier for babies to get used to changes.
and remember; although your ex has rights to see his daughter, his girlfriend doesnt so you don't have to do anything you think your daughter isnt ready for.
I hope you find a way to make this work for all of you.
by Earthmummy 1 March 2010
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